Well the Buddha taught that our situation is unsatisfactory as the first of the four noble truths. So you start by looking at the situation you are in, and see that there are many things that can't be sorted out. So - we are not trying to find perfect happiness in this world.
Even if you found a wonderful situation where everything you dreamt of became true - it would be dependent on conditions. It would fall apart. If nothing else happens before then, we all die. We get old, become sick.
So, doesn't mean we can't be happy, and it's possible for some people to have a great deal of happiness, unalloyed happiness -but - they can't achieve that for all future for eternity.
So starting from that - then you start to ask what is the cause of this, and what can you do about it? And when you do that, you are making the very first steps on the path.
And - the path the Buddha taught starts with looking at what we can work with, which is ourselves. You often can't change the situation you are in, or other people, but you can always change yourself or work on yourself. It's the one thing we can do. And he taught further, that there is a cause of all this unsatisfactoriness of existence, which we can discover as we work on ourself, sometimes through meditation, sometimes in other ways. And that if we can manage to see this clearly, then it can be seen through.
This is the teaching on "non self" but that' word is easily misunderstood, there's a tendency to think it means "non person" which it is not at all. Just saying, if you look carefully, you'll eventually find a cause of all the unsatisfactoriness and be able to see through it, and then as a kind of a hint, that we might find, as the Buddha himself did, that there is some confusion about what it is we take to be our "self" and that this is the root cause of all our problems, something illusory that we take to be true. And that once seen through, then it doesn't arise again.
So then the rest of the teaching of the Buddha is about the path to see that.
But - that's not something one's likely to relate to right away and you only really undersatnd it when you become Buddha (and I don't understand it at all, just find the idea inspiring).
So on the way there are many other ways of working with one's situation. But none of them are like "final fixes". There is no kind of pill you can take or magic wand you can wave to get rid of all your problems in conditioned existence ("Samsara"). But you can do things to improve your situation and that's thought to be well worth doing.
So - of course meditation, which Buddhists are well known for. But in traditional Buddhist countries only some meditate, others support those who meditate. But in the West it is very popular and does help. Basically it lets you ground yourself and relate to your situation, just as it is. Won't fix things like loneliness. But lets you just relate to it, as it is.
And traditionally - Buddhists often reflect on how wonderful one's situation is - a bit like "counting ones blessings". If you believe in past and future lives, then it is a major blessing just to be a human in this lifetime - look at all the animals and birds and insects, some of them have pretty rough lives. And whatever their situation they also have no idea at all that they can do much about it except just follow their blinkered lives through for a few years, say as a song bird, and then they die. No idea, probably, at all, that you can do anything except look for food, raise your brood migrate, or do whatever it is that they do instinctively.
So being human is a major blessing there, no matter how rough your situation. And going through tough times is part of that. Because - when you are in a bad way for one reason or another - that's a time when you can motivate yourself to do something about it. When everything is just great you just kind of, most of us, swim along in the situation and don't do anything until you hit the cliff or whatever it is that ends it.
So - also the freedom to think about it, to ask other people questions, to try to find answers - that is a major blessing that we can do that, that we have minds that are open enough to be able to look for a possibility of ways to deal with our situation.
You can also relate to the way that other people are also in the same situation you are. So then - to feel how they also need help and are looking for solutions just like you are. So - that can lead to compassion for others.
But you aren't going to find a magic solution to it. The Buddhist path is about relating to your current situation, as it is, as your starting point, with all its difficulties. As best you can.
I don't know if this helps, it is just a starting point.
Even if you found a wonderful situation where everything you dreamt of became true - it would be dependent on conditions. It would fall apart. If nothing else happens before then, we all die. We get old, become sick.
So, doesn't mean we can't be happy, and it's possible for some people to have a great deal of happiness, unalloyed happiness -but - they can't achieve that for all future for eternity.
So starting from that - then you start to ask what is the cause of this, and what can you do about it? And when you do that, you are making the very first steps on the path.
And - the path the Buddha taught starts with looking at what we can work with, which is ourselves. You often can't change the situation you are in, or other people, but you can always change yourself or work on yourself. It's the one thing we can do. And he taught further, that there is a cause of all this unsatisfactoriness of existence, which we can discover as we work on ourself, sometimes through meditation, sometimes in other ways. And that if we can manage to see this clearly, then it can be seen through.
This is the teaching on "non self" but that' word is easily misunderstood, there's a tendency to think it means "non person" which it is not at all. Just saying, if you look carefully, you'll eventually find a cause of all the unsatisfactoriness and be able to see through it, and then as a kind of a hint, that we might find, as the Buddha himself did, that there is some confusion about what it is we take to be our "self" and that this is the root cause of all our problems, something illusory that we take to be true. And that once seen through, then it doesn't arise again.
So then the rest of the teaching of the Buddha is about the path to see that.
But - that's not something one's likely to relate to right away and you only really undersatnd it when you become Buddha (and I don't understand it at all, just find the idea inspiring).
So on the way there are many other ways of working with one's situation. But none of them are like "final fixes". There is no kind of pill you can take or magic wand you can wave to get rid of all your problems in conditioned existence ("Samsara"). But you can do things to improve your situation and that's thought to be well worth doing.
So - of course meditation, which Buddhists are well known for. But in traditional Buddhist countries only some meditate, others support those who meditate. But in the West it is very popular and does help. Basically it lets you ground yourself and relate to your situation, just as it is. Won't fix things like loneliness. But lets you just relate to it, as it is.
And traditionally - Buddhists often reflect on how wonderful one's situation is - a bit like "counting ones blessings". If you believe in past and future lives, then it is a major blessing just to be a human in this lifetime - look at all the animals and birds and insects, some of them have pretty rough lives. And whatever their situation they also have no idea at all that they can do much about it except just follow their blinkered lives through for a few years, say as a song bird, and then they die. No idea, probably, at all, that you can do anything except look for food, raise your brood migrate, or do whatever it is that they do instinctively.
So being human is a major blessing there, no matter how rough your situation. And going through tough times is part of that. Because - when you are in a bad way for one reason or another - that's a time when you can motivate yourself to do something about it. When everything is just great you just kind of, most of us, swim along in the situation and don't do anything until you hit the cliff or whatever it is that ends it.
So - also the freedom to think about it, to ask other people questions, to try to find answers - that is a major blessing that we can do that, that we have minds that are open enough to be able to look for a possibility of ways to deal with our situation.
You can also relate to the way that other people are also in the same situation you are. So then - to feel how they also need help and are looking for solutions just like you are. So - that can lead to compassion for others.
But you aren't going to find a magic solution to it. The Buddhist path is about relating to your current situation, as it is, as your starting point, with all its difficulties. As best you can.
I don't know if this helps, it is just a starting point.
About the Author
Robert Walker
Writer of articles on Mars and Space issues - Software Developer of Tune Smithy, Bounce Metronome etc.Studied at Wolfson College, Oxford
Lives in Isle of Mull
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